There is no easy way out of this. You of all people should know that this is going to haunt you until you obey its call. Yes, you are scared, no you’re not the first, and there’s plenty of others wedged in the dragon’s smile. But if you manage to break through, if you manage to ignite and shine, for just a second, for just a flare… But yes, it might not even be real; that moment of glory might not even be perceptible once you reach it. Though, if it is, if that sensation actually exists, how could you not try to feel it?
There are so many paths to truth, there are so many roads to follow, and everyone does have to find their own. You were never a follower, even if you’ve felt the temptation of that solace. You cannot succumb to it; you can’t let yourself be drawn by the comfort of not being to blame for your own mistakes, for your own failures. When you’re not a follower, part of the herd, you can choose the rock that will be your stepping stone, or the one that breaks your back.
Yes, it is a selfish desire, private and dark. It’s craving recognition, absolutely, but you have to understand that it’s still born from your own strength. You can’t speak to an empty room and expect to get a reaction. Language needs someone to receive it for it to be alive, and like it, you need someone to notice that you’re speaking. Though, be clear; do you want to smash their apathy, or do you want to slash the veil to some universal truth? Do you write for vanity, or for revelation? Don’t bother with the semantics, with the weight of those words. They are your own, and that should be good enough. That question needs an answer; you need to know exactly what you’re craving. That will determine the trail ahead, the obstacles you’ll face, and what you’ll disdain.
Regardless, the visions are there. What comes of them is entirely up to you. Don’t despair, they’ll always keep you company.